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Holy Reflux! The Doctor Stretched My Esophagus

And now I can sing like Adele.
I’m serious, you guys.
I sound EXACTLY like her.

Remember when I was calmly sitting on the couch enjoying some scrumptious chocolate chip cookies – and I suddenly felt like I couldn’t breathe and I thought I was having a panic attack?

It turns out that it WASN’T a panic attack at all.

(Because who the hell has a panic attack while eating cookies?)

It was GERD. (GastroEsophageal Reflux Disease)

And incidentally, a GERD attack can feel a lot like a panic attack.

To some people.


And it’s been happening to me every night for the last two months.

Note that the Mayo Clinic doesn’t actually list ‘difficulty breathing’ as a symptom.

GERD signs and symptoms include:
A burning sensation in your chest (heartburn),
sometimes spreading to the throat, along with a sour taste in your mouth
Chest pain
Difficulty swallowing (dysphagia)
Dry cough
Hoarseness or sore throat
Regurgitation of food or sour liquid (acid reflux)
Sensation of a lump in the throat

Obviously, this is a huge oversight and the Mayo Clinic should start reading more health forums.

If you Google GERD DIFFICULTY BREATHING  you’ll find a gazillion people who have the same symptom. Which means I’m not crazy. At least, not about this.

But I didn’t have any of the “normal” symptoms listed here. Not until week four, when I started choking on my Twinkies and any other food that wasn’t predominantly made of liquid.

And choking on Twinkies is a good reason to go see a doctor.

So I went.

And I told her all about the choking, and the panic attacks I was having every night as soon as I’d start to drift off to sleep, and how none of this made any sense because my typical evening consists of a glass of wine, okay, a few glasses of wine, followed by a most-satisfying romp with Mr. Hilarious.

Definitely NOT panic inducing, right?

And she nodded and made all the usual doctor-frowny-faces and said she needed a sample of my poop.

Of. My. Poop.

(Because my poop has EVERYTHING to do with my breathing, right?)

Then she explained that she thought I had GERD and she wanted to make sure I didn’t have a bacteria called H. pylori,  which is colonized in your gut and can case peptic ulcers, which can cause reflux.


Then she wrote me a script for Nexium, gave me a little tiny cup, and told me to drop my poop off at the lab the next morning. And I raced straight home and asked my fifteen year old son,


(Because seriously, people, who would YOU ask?)

And since my son is brilliant, he Googled it for me and told me I had to stretch plastic wrap over the toilet bowl and poop on it and then put a little of the poop in the cup. Five ounces, to be exact.

(Because, oh yeah, let me just whip out my handy-dandy poop scale, right?)

Well, I made a guess on the whole ‘five ounces’ thing and sent Mr. Hilarious to lab with my poop.

(Because why would anyone drop off their own poop? That’s just awkward.)

And after all that- my poop came back negative for H. Pylori

And another three weeks went by and the Nexium wasn’t helping at all.

And I finally got sent to GI.

And GI did NOT turn out to be a sexy, camouflaged, soldier, as I had hoped – but a Gastrointestinal doctor who knocked me out with Propofol, shoved a tube with a camera on it down my throat, two-and-half feet down into my stomach, and had a peek around. Then he “stretched” my esophagus a bit to help relieve the whole choking/difficulty swallowing thing.

And when I woke up he told me I have a Hiatal hernia, which looks like this:

See that bulge labeled Hiatal hernia? That’s a little bit of stomach squeezing up through the diaphragm, where it is definitely NOT supposed to be, allowing stomach acid and gastric air into the esophagus.

And it sucks.

Except for the fact that the next day I was in the car singing my heart out to Someone Like You and I discovered that I now sound EXACTLY like Adele.

And it’s fucking awesome.

Look out karaoke bars – here I come.



Post a comment
  1. August 25, 2012

    Sure, she’s got it all,
    But, baby, is that really what you want?

    • August 25, 2012

      Just ’cause I said it, it don’t mean that I meant it,
      People say crazy things.

  2. Anonymous #
    August 25, 2012

    er. mah. gerd!

    • August 27, 2012

      oh I get it now! oh my gerd! omg!

  3. August 27, 2012

    See, it’s true what they say. Every cloud has a sliver-lining. Yours happens to be belting out tunes like Adele—at least it made the whole poop episode worthwhile!! 😉 Congrats on being FP!

  4. August 27, 2012

    This post is epic! Thank you for sharing 🙂

  5. August 27, 2012

    The ability to sing like Adele would actually be another reason to not want to get GERD.

  6. starrynightiaa #
    August 27, 2012

    Interesting post! I can’t help but wonder how your esophagus has anything to do with your vocals. Your GI tract is irrelevant when it comes to vocal activity, which derives from the pharynx prior to the thorax. However, stretching your esophagus does relieve swallowing..did your doc prescribe any medications to help your lower esophageal sphincter contract instead of relax? Also, tuning down on acidic foods help! 🙂

    • August 27, 2012

      “I can’t help but wonder how your esophagus has anything to do with your vocals.”  Have you ever tried to sing with a hunk a Moussaka stuck in your esophagus?

    • August 27, 2012

      There really is a connection. Because the stomach acid is constantly contracting, the esophagus gets eroded. Some people even lose their voices completely–that happened to one of my neighbors and as soon as they got the reflux under control with Nexium or something she got it back.

      • August 27, 2012

        Definitely a connection. Definitely.

    • October 29, 2015

      You cannot sing correctly when your breathing is not working right – and acid reflux burns like heck right up into your mouth. Singing is NOT just your voicebox.

  7. August 27, 2012

    She is going to be out of commission with the whole baby thing. Maybe you can sub a few concert dates for the lady.

    • August 27, 2012

      That would be lovely! Where do I sign up to sub?!

  8. August 27, 2012

    Love it.. your attitude is great, and funny and serious and informative at the same time.. Good luck with your journey from here.

    • August 27, 2012

      Thank you! If the Protonix doesn’t start working soon my attitude may turn acidic quickly.

  9. August 27, 2012

    Who knew poop could be so rewarding?
    Congrats on being FP 😛

    • August 27, 2012

      Poop is always rewarding. Except when it gets stuck. (And thank you!)

  10. August 27, 2012

    I would like to see you singing in a Youtube video…
    How do you know you’re not tone deaf ? 🙂

    • August 28, 2012

      Tone deaf is always possibility, I guess. Let me get back to you on that right after I outfit my car with a video camera and microphone…

  11. August 27, 2012

    Get to sing like Adele? That’s not a pretty bad deal at all. Me on the other hand will forever restrict belting out to Adele in the shower.

    • August 27, 2012

      Shower is too steamy. Try the car!

  12. August 27, 2012

    Hahaha this post was hilarious! Sorry about the hernia and the worry it must have caused not knowing what the hell was wrong with you. But now you can sing like Adele!

    • August 27, 2012

      The doctor says I ‘worry’ with my gut. But I think I just worry about my gut…

  13. August 27, 2012

    I’m truly happy for you and your new voice, but Adele really!

    • August 27, 2012

      Would you prefer Cher?

      • August 28, 2012

        No but, If you sound like Adele you need to persue a music career and start video blogging on Youtube.

  14. mdprincing #
    August 27, 2012

    Yup reflux blows, and is very painful. I was diagnosed with achalasia in 2008 when I choked on a piece of really shitty steak and had to go to ER to have it removed. Many painful and humiliating tests later it was determined that I was one of the few lucky ones to have achalasia, which basically means your muscles in your esophagus stop working so they can not force food down into your stomach. They had to surgically cut the flap(sphincter muscle) at the top of the stomach so food could flow down into the stomach. Now I have no blocker for acid reflux and when it comes, hold the door sister cause it hurts and I start salivating nasty stuff and just want to lay down and moan. I did not however have to poop in a cup, and hope I never doo.

    • August 27, 2012

      Remind me to post about my barium swallow sometime, when they told me I have the esophagus of an 80 year old. I hope you never have to do a doo in a cup either.

      • mdprincing #
        August 28, 2012

        I had a number of barium swallows as well, to make sure I didn’t “leak” after the surgery, comforting isn’t it? The worst test was the one were they run a probe through your nose down your esophagus at various points to test the strength of the muscles. Gagging and scraping across your sinus’ that made a grown man tear up and to top it all off they inject acid into your stomach to see if they can create reflux, oh joy. Had that twice, I guess once wasn’t enough.

        • Stuck #
          December 23, 2013

          Amen to that nasty test with the tube down your nose. That would be my worst test also! Just recovering from stomach surgery where they repaired my hiatal hernia, repaired my Nissan fundoplication, and put my stomach back in place. However, I am still choking on my food unless it is mostly liquid. Thinking about getting my esophagus stretched so I can enjoy food again.

  15. Megan Nyberg's Meditations #
    August 27, 2012

    Hilarious post!
    My friend took a bio class and every student had to drop off their own poop sample to the lab…anonymously. Her friend wrote her FIRST and LAST name on her sample cup for the world to see! Clearly a rookie poop mistake!

    • August 27, 2012

      NEW  poopers. They just can’t get their shit right.

  16. Right Beat Radio #
    August 27, 2012

    Funny post…

    • August 27, 2012

      It’s UN-funny, but thanks! 😉

  17. myninjanaan #
    August 27, 2012

    LOL i love it!

  18. August 27, 2012

    I remember reading an article a few weeks ago about a little boy who kept having “asthma attacks” while playing soccer, except then he started having them when eating. The doctor started calling them anxiety attacks. I’m pretty sure it was eventually diagnosed as GERD.

    I admit, I am a pro at peeing in a cup. But if i had to poo in a cup, I have no flipping idea how I would do it. I’ll have to save the plastic wrap tip…

    • August 27, 2012

      It seems to be a frequent misdiagnosis – GERD and anxiety attacks.

      RE on plastic wrap: It’s important to put the plastic wrap between the bowl and the seat, and then make an indention deep enough that you have room, but not so deep that the sample is potentially contaminated by bowl water.

      • August 27, 2012

        Eww. Thanks for that clarification. I still hope never to need to provide a sample, but if I ever do, I thank you in advance!

        • August 27, 2012

          No prob. I’m always here for your poop concerns.

  19. August 27, 2012

    This post made me laugh out loud! I think your doctor might have been playing some sort of practical joke on you, though. I had to get tested for H. pylori a few months ago (I was having pretty severe reflux) and they gave me some lemony solution to drink and had me breathe into a tube. Air. From my mouth. No poop. HOWEVER, I sound nothing like Adele, so I think you still come out ahead on this one.

    • August 27, 2012

      I will be sure to tell my doctor that she tested the wrong orifice. Pretty sure that gives you the lead.

  20. August 27, 2012

    I am recovering from hiatal hernia repair (an extremely large paraesophageal hiatal hernia at that). The surgery is called Nissen fundoplication. For the record, DO NOT let student nurse anesthetists try to intubate you. Now I sing like Tiny Tim.

    • August 27, 2012

      And my H. pylori test status was negative – and involved a blood sample. No poop involved whatsoever.

      • August 27, 2012

        Huh. Perhaps the poop test is more sensitive. I will have to ask my resident microbiologist in the morning. And for the record, I adore Tiny Tim.

  21. August 27, 2012

    Ooh, thank you – I’ve been feeling that “there’s something stuck in my throat” feeling for a few weeks and was beginning to think that either I was going crazy or that I was going to die of some undiagnosed cardiac thing. I have had reflux for years but had never heard that this could result from it. Turns out it’s a fairly trivial complication and can be treated. I shall hie me to the doctor!

    I know what you mean about “difficulty breathing.” When I feel like this, I feel I can’t quite breathe either. But if I calm down and think about it, I realise that actually I’m getting enough oxygen in, but it’s triggering a sort of “can’t breathe” panic which makes me feel like I’m suffocating and so I start panting and hyperventilate a bit. It’s very unpleasant. I suppose any unexpected pressure in your chest would cause that.

    • August 27, 2012

      YES! EXACTLY! This is the same argument I got into with an ER doc not long ago. “I’m telling you- I’m not having a panic attack, I’m just panicking because it FEELS like I can’t breathe, and I want you to make it GO AWAY- so I can stop panicking.”

      • August 29, 2012

        They should know about that sort of thing!

        I got taken to hospital once with a sort of allergic reaction – not related to reflux – and I was panicking in the ambulance because it felt like I could not breathe. The paramedic totally understood this and told me to watch the blood oxygen level on the monitor, which was up at 95-97% – “I know it feels like you can’t breathe,” she said,” but just keep watching that, you can see that you are getting the oxygen in.”

        It helped a lot, and that’s made me realise that the feeling that you can’t breathe doesn’t necessarily mean you’re suffocating. It’s just an alarm signal and it can be wrong. However, it’s a thing that happens in some situations and medics should be aware of how scary it is and that it needs dealt with.

        I feel that way in saunas. I haven’t died yet, but it’s not my favourite way to relax.

      • shawty #
        May 22, 2015

        I’ve been going thru this since Dr finally says its gerd.I feel like its something else,most times I feel short of breath and i start chest pains are great, feels like am dying.I think is hernia

        • May 23, 2015

          Shawty – After almost three years of agony, they finally figured out I have the alpha-gal red meat allergy that comes from a tick bite. If your issues don’t resolve with usual gerd treatments, I strongly urge you to tell your doc you want to be tested for alpha gal. (Or just eliminate ALL meat and dairy from mammals and see if you start to feel better.)

  22. August 27, 2012

    Just to add, I got h.pylori ruled out years ago – by a blood test.
    I think your doctor was having a laugh.

    • August 27, 2012

      Since it appears there are a number of ways to test – you may be right.

  23. August 27, 2012

    H. pylori tests can be made with breath, blood, urine, direct biopsies and yes, poop. So no, the doctor was not having a laugh.

    • August 27, 2012

      H. pylori tests can be made with breath, blood, urine, direct biopsies or poop – makes me think – oh yeah, she was laughing. She probably laughed the whole way home after handing me that tiny cup.

  24. August 27, 2012

    HI-LARIOUS. I especially like the “doctor frowny face” reference. I’m still perfecting mine – you have to be careful not to give it too much lip…

    • August 27, 2012

      Send me a pic when you perfect it! (And you have to remember to look both interested AND concerned.)

  25. August 27, 2012

    Not sure which part of this is funnier; the story or the comments!!!
    My mother has had her esophagus stretched a few times, she always sounds like Kermit the Frog after – boy did you get lucky!

    • August 27, 2012

      Well, they both have gravelly voices… so, not much difference I think;)

  26. August 27, 2012

    I’m beginning to wonder if I have developed GERD. Not fun. Hope your treatment is successful!

    • August 27, 2012

      And I hope you aren’t developing GERD! Fingers crossed.

  27. August 27, 2012

    I really wish that I could get that done. I want to be able to tell people about the events of my day, and honestly be able to say that it included getting my esophagus stretched… I’m pretty sure I would be the coolest kid in school.

    • August 27, 2012

      Uh, why not tell them you went sky diving? Or you bumped into Hugh Jackman over a bowl of soup at Panera? Anything is cooler than “Oh, by the way, I had my esophagus stretched.” (Actually, now that I’ve put it that way, it sounds kinda disgusting.) And you could always just make the stuff up. They call people who do that ‘novelists’.

  28. antsjuices #
    August 27, 2012

    Better living through modern medicine.

    • August 27, 2012

      Oh! I thought the expression was “Better living through chemistry.” That’s what Mr. Hilarious says every time I reach for the Valium…

  29. Mei #
    August 27, 2012

    Wow….that’s pretty awesome! Best wishes to your treatment and new found vocal ability!

  30. brendaloveladyvideography #
    August 27, 2012

    I needed the laugh today. Thank you for being you.

    • August 27, 2012

      I’m glad you found a laugh. The world could use a dose of levity.
      Always -TMarie

  31. August 27, 2012

    I would poop in a cup ten times AND transport it to the doctor’s office MYSELF if it meant that I could sing like Adele. Lucky you.

    Too funny!

    • August 28, 2012

      I guess by the 10th time you might get used to handing your poop to complete strangers.

  32. August 27, 2012

    I had this procedure done also. I actually think your definition of this is 110 times better than my doctor described it to me. It is very amusing.

    • August 28, 2012

      Did you wish they had kept you knocked out longer? That was the most restful 20 minute nap I’ve had in years.

  33. August 27, 2012

    You have a way of turning life disasters into hilarious ones. Thanks for the good laugh! And also, sorry about the hiatal hernia. I hope it could be prevented earlier. Congrats on FP!

    • August 28, 2012

      Thank you! Apparently my grandfather, mom, and one of my brothers all have a Hiatal hernia – and there’s really no prevention for bad genetics.

  34. Anonymous #
    August 27, 2012

    I don’t believe it!
    I must post an audio file.

    • August 28, 2012

      If you mean that I should post an audio file – I’m not sure I’m ready to share my Adele-ness with the whole world. I’ll do some test runs at the karaoke bars first.

    • May 2, 2015

      I have been suffering with this for two and a half years this is the first time I’ve ever seen anybody comment about this challenge.I get an in Flux thick yuck whenever I eat,it’s really grosse and it interferes with the quality of my life! I have to spit all the time and have blobs of mucous to stringy yuck that I have to use a Q-tip to get it out. It’s awful. Did this happen to anyone else, when you ate? Are you on facebook? I want to hear more about your experiences and how you got your diagnosis and I enjoyed the humor very much! Thx ~b

      • May 23, 2015

        Beth – After almost three years of agony, they finally figured out I have the alpha-gal red meat allergy that comes from a tick bite. If your issues don’t resolve with usual gerd treatments, I strongly urge you to tell your doc you want to be tested for alpha gal. (Or just eliminate ALL meat and dairy from mammals and see if you start to feel better.)

  35. August 27, 2012

    Your journey is starting now~!!;)
    Good luck, and I love your attitude!!!

    • August 28, 2012

      Thanks! I always love the start of an awesome trip- especially when it involves massive doses of Proton-pump inhibitors and spending my evenings with a tasty Mylanta cocktail.

  36. August 27, 2012

    so glad i just learned how to poop in a cup. thx so much for the advice. glad i found this blog. can’t wait to stalk you! 🙂

    • August 27, 2012

      Thanks! (I think.) Please keep reading unfunnyme, but stick to garden-variety-social-network-stalking and nothing too creepy. If you track down the lab and ask for my poop sample, I may have to file a restraining order.

  37. Jane #
    August 27, 2012

    My grandma had a stroke last year, which of course is terrible, but it actually improved her eyesight. It’s weird how really sucky things can have unexpected awesome consequences.

    Sounds like you handled that whole poop thing like a pro. I have never had the misfortune of being asked for a sample.

    • August 28, 2012

      Very weird indeed. Unexpected awesomeness is awesome!

  38. August 27, 2012

    HAHA! Not that you have GERD! But funny! 🙂

    • August 28, 2012

      GERD is definitely 100% UN-funny!

      • shawty #
        May 22, 2015

        I totally agree

  39. August 28, 2012

    Congrats on the Fresh Press. I so enjoyed your story! Funny from tip to stern. You have a knack for bringing joy into something otherwise, well, uh, horrible. Hiatal hernia? Ain’t that something. (I had the same condition as an infant, it would seem. Couldn’t keep mama’s milk down and was dangerously underweight until they diagnosed it and fed me goat’s milk. Really baa-aaa-ad. But I’m all better now.).

    • August 28, 2012

      Thank you! I’m glad yours is all be-bee- better now!

  40. August 28, 2012

    Reblogged this on netish.

    • August 28, 2012

      Thanks for re-blogging re-flux!

  41. August 28, 2012

    a-f***kin-mazing story. i pooped. a little. in my mouth. jussayin.

    • August 28, 2012

      Thank you!
      And that’s kinda gross dude. Just sayin’. 😉

  42. Ankit Mathur #
    August 28, 2012

    Reblogged this on BE CURIOUS.

    • August 28, 2012

      Thanks for the reflux reblog!

      • Ankit Mathur #
        August 28, 2012

        Its totally my pleasure. I loved the concept… 😛
        Thanks for your Thanks 🙂

  43. Anonymous #
    August 28, 2012

    Such an amazing story 🙂
    Poop part was disgusting though lol.

    • August 28, 2012

      Thank you.
      There are actually 3 or 4 poop related stories on unfunnyme. I counted because so many people searching “Do men poop more than women?” end up here. See: Get Your Potty Humor Here 😉

  44. August 28, 2012

    Wow! I am so sorry to hear about your troubles! I have been going through this with my father – it is so not nice! We have been to hospital a number of times through this and he has progressed to having a stent put into his esophagus. Love that your singing is sounding like Adele – she really rocks! Take care and get to the hospital for any food items that get stuck – don’t wait! Thanks for shedding some humour on the experience!

    • August 28, 2012

      I promise I will not hesitate for a second to dial 911 if any food items get stuck. I hope your dad’s treatment works. Thanks for enjoying unfunnier side of things! 😉

  45. August 28, 2012

    Now next thing we know you’ll be setting rain on fire!!

  46. Tri Yunita #
    August 28, 2012

    Can I, no, can we, hear you sing?

    • August 28, 2012

      Sigh. People keep asking that… I think I’ll stick to writing for now 😉
      One Adele is enough for the world.

  47. susieslittleinspirations #
    August 28, 2012

    This seems to run in my family too.. My grandad had it, now my mum and aunt do… Though my aunt gets slightly hysterical about the whole choking thing to the point where she rarely eats. Mum had the camera thing down but she was awake for it.

    • August 28, 2012

      I can totally relate to your aunt’s hysterics. I tend to get a wee bit hysterical myself and have bolted out of my seat at the dinner table all bug-eyed and frantic more times than I can count.

      • susieslittleinspirations #
        August 28, 2012

        my mum has ended up in hospital twice with it. once she had to have a piece of chicken removed which had got lodged in her esophagus.

        • August 29, 2012

          People keep telling me that can actually happen. I’m going to start taking tiny bites and chewing really well!

          • susieslittleinspirations #
            August 29, 2012

            thats what mum was told, for a while we had to puree everything for her but shes not too bad now.. just has to be careful when shes eating.

  48. August 28, 2012

    How interesting! I think you should record yourself singing, upload it to youtube or something and then post the link here. You write beautifully and you made me LOL (literally) which is always very welcome during a day at the desk. Congratulations on becoming FP royalty!

    • August 28, 2012

      Thank you! I think I’ll just stick to ‘FP Royalty’ and skip the youtube experience. But here’s my channel in case I ever change my mind:

      • August 28, 2012

        Oh, and an unfunny a day keeps the desk-blues away. Please keep reading and sharing the unfunny! 😉

  49. August 28, 2012

    I was immediatly drawn to your FP’d (congrats!) post because I’ve was diagnosed with GERD years ago, and, like many people, Operamazole does not help! A friend of mine actually got esphogeal cancer and had the surgery where they remove the esoph, stetch the stomach and reattach, so I though that was what happened to you.

    So when are you having surgery for the hernia?

    Oh . . . and my compliments to Mr. Hillarious, who can get you – despite your hernia on hiatus – to romp every night 😉

    • August 28, 2012

      I’m glad you were drawn but sorry about your friend. My little hernia is small potatoes compared to that. At present, the doc doesn’t think it warrants surgery, just a whole lot of Proton-pump inhibitors to counteract the GERD.

      RE on Me & Mr. Hilarious & Romp: You might have that backwards.
      See: Fifty Shades of UnfunnyMe & Thanks for getting unfunny! 😉

  50. August 28, 2012

    Funny stuff. Can’t wait to read more!

    • August 28, 2012

      Thank you! (UN-funny stuff!) Yes please keep reading 😉 And reading, and reading…

  51. August 28, 2012

    Love your writing!

    • August 28, 2012

      Sigh. That’s the best compliment ever. Thank you!

  52. August 28, 2012

    Well I suppose technically speaking someone could have a panic attack eating chocolate chip cookies if for example they started choking on a chocolate chip. Although having said that, I can’t understand why someone would choke on a chocolate chip, surely it must be more satisfying to eat it.

    • August 28, 2012

      Lol. Yes. Eating chocolate chip cookies is ALWAYS  far more satisfying than choking on them. Sadly, apparently they are one of my ‘trigger’ foods for some reason, so I can’t have them anymore ;(

  53. August 28, 2012

    This post was hilarious! Thank you for giving me a morning laugh. I also have GERD. Unfortunately for me, I still sound like a spastic Joe Cocker!

    • August 28, 2012

      Thank you! I’m happy to brighten your morning anytime Joe. 😉
      GERDers unite!

  54. August 28, 2012

    Stool samples are very awkward.. I feel your pain!

    • August 28, 2012

      It’s good to know that there are others out there who are just like me- who belong to the i’d-really-rather-keep-my-poop-to-myself-thanks-anyway club. Thanks for getting unfunny!

  55. repurposed redhead #
    August 28, 2012

    Ha! Never laughed so hard about something so tragic (a hernia) that is somehow also awesome (adeles voice). Great post! – Rene

    • August 28, 2012

      Thanks Red! I wish my mom had been equally as entertained. She just called and told me to start keeping a ‘food journal’ and stop using the f-word.

      • August 28, 2012

        Totally hysterical and classic mom response! I also have GERD and sometimes it wakes me up choking on God-knows-what. Is it slobber? Puke? Something else? (I’m pretty sure it’s not chocolate). Maybe it’s better kept a mystery. Either way, I feel your pain. I have heard that chocolate- even that not found in cookies- can aggravate it. So can wine. Which is tragic! Woe woe woe is me!

        • August 28, 2012

          Exactly. No wine. No chocolate. It’s been like a month since I had a piece of chocolate. So sad. Woe.

      • August 28, 2012

        Mothers…mine just told me to stop hiking where there might be bears. That pretty much wipes out a majority of North America. – Rene

  56. Divina F #
    August 28, 2012

    kind of wish I had GERD, now…

    • August 28, 2012

      Nope. You don’t. I think all the meds are giving me a rash now….

      • Divina F #
        August 28, 2012

        Damn. I’m sorry to hear that! I wish I had some advice to help you, but I’m so inept about medical things. Anyway, I hope you can get better medicine or that this is just a temporary reaction.

  57. August 28, 2012

    I am in love with your blunt honesty!

    • August 28, 2012

      Thanks for the love! (Honestly!)

  58. August 28, 2012

    Hilarious. Made me laugh out loud at work, which is always slightly embarrassing since I sit in a room all by myself.

    • August 28, 2012

      Hee. It’s even more embarrassing to laugh at yourself when you’re alone. Thanks for getting unfunny!

  59. August 28, 2012

    Ian never laughs about poop. Never. Won’t even reference poop unless absolutely necessary. But I forced him to listen to the part about Mr. Hilarious bringing your poop sample to the lab, and lo and behold, he laughed.

    • August 29, 2012

      Please tell Ian that I said, “POOP IS FUNNY!”

  60. August 28, 2012

    Hey, my mom has that hernia too! Except she can’t sing like Adele…

    • August 29, 2012

      Are you sure? Cause a lot of people with GERD have that whole raspy thing goin’ on…

      • August 29, 2012

        well her voice is raspy, but trust me, not Adelish…

  61. August 28, 2012

    My sister-in-law has Gerd and went to the hospital because they were worried she was having a heart attack or something. Having heard her stories, this post cracked me up. I’m sending it to her!

    • August 29, 2012

      Thanks for sharing! I hope your mom enjoys it. My EMT friend tells me lots of people think they’re having a heart attack when they’re really having a severe GERD attack. The symptoms are very similar.

  62. August 28, 2012

    Hillarious! You are so funny!!

  63. August 28, 2012

    I’ve got one of those Hiatal hernia things, and have had several GI inspections with the tube and camera. The one thing I’m extremely pleased about is, the Doc did stretch my esophagus and leave me singing like Adele.
    Cheers, Mick

    • August 29, 2012

      See! I knew it was the stretchy business that did it!

  64. mysticlovely #
    August 29, 2012

    Great post 😀

    Pity the doctor wasn’t a sexy, camouflaged, soldier. The never are.They usually give me the hebbie jebbies and make me want to sprint to the door.

    • September 1, 2012

      Thanks mysticlovely! My GI doc didn’t give me the heebies but he IS as bald as Daddy Warbucks and every time I see him I really want to rub his head.

  65. August 31, 2012

    LOL!!! What an experience! I concur with the above comment though, maybe it would have been more pleasant with a sexy doctor! Glad that you are well though!

    • September 1, 2012

      Thank you! Next time I’m given a referral I’ll make them add, “sexy doctor requested.” 😉

  66. fridaspeach #
    September 12, 2012

    Hahaha, omg your’e funny 😉


  67. September 12, 2012

    Sorry that you are going through all that but think of it as an educational experience
    Learning about measuring poop and all that ;jazz -)

  68. Connie #
    November 16, 2012

    This is too funny…or unfunny? I searched panic attack caused by chocolate chip cookies and I was directed to your blog. I think maybe GERD is my issue too! I’ve had gastrointestinal issues before, but never diagnosed with GERD….and just started noticing a pattern of symptoms after eating the cookies. Hum…

    Anyways I really like your blog….thanks for sharing,


    • November 18, 2012

      Connie, If you are having issues when you eat chocolate chip cookies I would strongly urge you to see an allergist FIRST and then a GI. Since posting this, it was discovered that I have numerous food allergies – wheat, rice, corn and soy to name a few – which were causing reflux. I did think it was strange that I could eat a number of the foods that they tell people with GERD not to eat like: citrus, wine, coffee, vinegar dressings, and tomato based stuff… and I only got reflux when eating the things I LOVE like Twinkies, cookies, brownies, pasta…. because my reflux is triggered only by foods I’m allergic to and I was having an allergic response AND reflux. My allergic responses have become more severe and I now have to keep an epi-pen with me at all times. (This has sort of taken over my life, which is why I haven’t posted here in a while.) The doctors haven’t figured it all out yet, and I’m not trying to scare you (mine is one of those worst-case scenarios because I’m also allergic to Proton Pump Inhibitors needed to heal reflux) but I urge you to see an allergist and a GI. – TMarie

  69. rhonda #
    May 6, 2013

    i am having a hiatal hernia streching on thursday, i am scared…..but it would be nice to not have this pain under my breast bone, i have a big knot there and it feels like my food gets stuck there after i swallow…hope it helps and i will come out of it ok….i sing all the time so i hope i get the same results as you…

  70. jeri #
    July 7, 2013

    Had my throat stretched and was wonderinh if you have swelling afterward?

    • Sheila Harding #
      July 15, 2013

      I have had reflux for years now, and have been on omeprazole for almost that long. I was sent by my great gen. md to a great gastro dr.just this July. Actually I saw the PA, and she was great. She ordered tests and more tests, even calling me at home at 8:30 am. Reflux is awful and can cause a lot of damage. I too was lucky enough to be scoped both ends, stretched too, and got to take in some poopy to the lab in a discreet lovely bag. They gave me an upside down plastic “cowboy hat” to poop into. Class act. They found growths in my colon and tummy, so it was worth it. Also, since the stretch I haven’t had to choke once this week. Yea! Yes, Jeri, my throat felt bruised afterwards too. They made the mistake of telling me I could eat whatever I wanted afterwards (I think they forgot that they stretched my esophagus.). And it was a very delicious sandwich that had two slices of nice crispy bacon on it, that hurt each time I swallowed a bite. Ouch. I will say that it quit hurting after a week! I also had the burning in my chest with the very dry annoying cough for years, and lived on Tums, like my dad. Since reading these posts, I have decided that I will ask the PA at the end of the month to get me allergy tested for foods, as I was mulling it over anyway. Thanks for an entertaining time on this great site! I needed it. 🙂

      • August 5, 2013

        Thanks Shelia! Sorry it took me so long to reply. Let me know how things work out with the allergist!

        • Gerdalicious #
          August 18, 2013

          Thank you so much for posting this. I enjoyed reading it 🙂 I just went through the same thing a couple of days ago. Scoped at both ends, 24 hour esophageal pH monitoring & stretched esophagus. Was diagnosed with GERD, hiatal hernia, polyp removed & numerous ulcers in colon. Yippee! I can’t sing like Adele yet but am waiting. It feels so good not to choke while eating, swallowing meds or that feeling that something is in my throat. Keep us updated on your progress.

  71. September 2, 2013

    (1) Besides the immediate discomfort it causes, long-term GERD can transform the cells at the upper border of the esophagus into a pre-cancerous form. It is called Barrett’s syndrome (the spelling might not be accurate), and occurs because those cells were not built to be repeatedly exposed to acid. (2) Protonix can help with GERD, but it also tends to weaken bones. So the smallest effective dose is what you want.

  72. SMcDeez #
    November 12, 2013

    I have been having the same problems. i had to have a scope too but since i am pregnant they couldn’t put me to sleep. it was not pleasant! i know gerd is hereditary and I’m going to ask my gi about the hiatal hernia and see if i may have one. this is seriously affecting my weight gain and food intake. so any recipe suggestions to help would be awesome. my baby thanks you too!

  73. Anonymous #
    January 16, 2015

    I just had this done two days ago,my voice is still the same .but now I can fart dear old Dixie and it sounds awesome.

  74. Amy #
    January 26, 2015

    Love your post! Currently going through the same experience if having food stuck in my chest…waiting for battery of test while eating baby food. Preying for a good stretching…I know I need to lose weight but I’d much rather pay a boat load of money to do it…this way is hell!

  75. Jennifer White #
    December 31, 2016

    Just had this done. Exactly like you said, wait I need to see if I can sing.

  76. Janet #
    April 12, 2017

    So entertaining. Love it.

  77. Anonymous #
    June 4, 2017

    It’s now 2017. How are you feeling now? By the way very funny

  78. Tamara S Tamblyn #
    February 17, 2018

    Thanks for the laugh, ironically I now can hit notes Mariah Carey could only dream of!

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Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. Holy Reflux! The Doctor Stretched My Esophagus and Now I Can Sing Like Adele « Live, Laugh, Love
  2. Undiagnosed – An Open Letter to the Man Who Saved My Life | unfunnyme™

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