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Holy Reflux! The Doctor Stretched My Esophagus

An Unfunny Original
Holy Reflux!

And now I can sing like Adele.
I’m serious, you guys.
I sound EXACTLY like her.

Remember when I was calmly sitting on the couch enjoying some scrumptious chocolate chip cookies – and I suddenly felt like I couldn’t breathe and I thought I was having a panic attack?
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Fifty Shades of UnfunnyMe

An Unfunny Original
Fifty Shades of UnfunnyMe

Alternate title: A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to the Ping-Pong-Paddle

The following conversation with my husband happened because I finally broke down and read Fifty Shades of Grey.

I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about.
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How to Piss Off A Redhead

An Unfunny Original
How to Piss Off A Redhead

Yesterday, someone had the nerve to call UnfunnyMe GIRLY.

I let him off the hook with a warning. (Mostly because I was feeling especially forgiving and OtherMe wasn’t around to go all bat-shit-crazy on him.)
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Great Big Whopping Fish Story

An Unfunny Original
Fishy Story

Last weekend, my cousin and his band Flow Tribe were up from New Orleans on tour.

Somehow this visit resulted in my cousin and teenage son dragging me out to “experience nature” (which translates to “fishing” on the Louisiana side of my family) and I discovered, Read more

The Hot Dog and the Bun

An Unfunny Original
The Hot Dog and the Bun

It was an ordinary family dinner.

I don’t know how it all could have gone so horribly wrong.

The evening’s menu included mac n’ cheese, corn, sliced apples, a choice of milk or juice, and hot dogs.
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TMarie and a Bitch Named Steve

An Unfunny Original
A Bitch Named Steve

I swore I’d never be a “dog blogger” so I promise this post is NOT about dogs.
It’s about sex.
Sex and dogs, actually.
No, sex and A dog.
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TMI from TMarie

An Unfunny Original
TMI from TMarie

So, something interesting happened today that reminded me of something, which reminded me of a story, which reminded me of something else, which was something I wanted to share on unfunnyme because it’s oh-so-so-so TMI.

And then I remembered something else…
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24 Hours Of Birthday…Part 1

An Unfunny Original
The Birthday

Saturday, March 19th, 2011
The following took place between 8:00 AM and 3:50 PM

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Get Your Potty Humor Here

An Unfunny Original
Gey Your Potty Humor Here

For reasons beyond my comprehension, scatological satire, commonly known as potty humor, is incredibly popular at our house.

Scintillating conversations of such matters typically take place around the dinner table.
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Save Energy…Don’t Smile

An Unfunny Original
Save Energy…Don’t Smile

Some good friends of mine will be celebrating their twentieth wedding anniversary this weekend. I woke up today thinking that this is an amazing accomplishment. Why?

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Get On Unfunnyme

An Unfunny Original
space for rent

Advertising for the weird, whack, or wonderful.
Boring products need not apply.
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My Facebook is Bipolar

An Unfunny Original
My Bipolar FB

I’m worried about my Facebook. I think it may have bipolar disorder.

I first started noticing some erratic behavior about a month ago, and then things got really strange. Here’s what happened:
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The Rules of Matrimonial Ass

An Unfunny Original
Matrimonial Asses

If your delicate sensibilities are offended by the use of the word ‘ass’ or the words ‘ass’ and ‘hole’ strung together in such a manner as to be deemed swearing, I urge you to close this page now without reading any further.
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My Unfunny Valentine

An Unfunny Original
My Unvalentine

In honor of Valentine’s Day, I’ve decided to give all of you the gift of NOT writing about Valentine’s Day.

Nor will I bore you with my thoughts on love, romance, candle-lit dinners, or any other mushy-gushy, touchy-feely, ridiculous notions……….Why?
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To boob…or not to boob?

An Unfunny Original
Like Fried Eggs On a Nail

To boob, or not to boob?
That is the question.

For years, OtherMe has been hounding me to get a boob job.

I promised I would make a final decision by the time I turned forty.
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Okay Okay I Lied…Sue Me

An Unfunny Original
Crazy Town

There’s nothing worse than a long, drawn out bunch of snivel in a confession – so I’ll keep this short.

I lied. I misrepresented myself. I misspoke.

I said that I have always been unfunny.
Technically speaking, this statement is untrue.
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Me and…Other Me?

An Unfunny Original
Other Me & Me

Me and OtherMe had an argument yesterday.

For those of you who haven’t been formally introduced, OtherMe is a nasty, taxing little vixen who drinks too much, swears too much, never does the dishes, and speaks four languages: snarky, sarcastic, sardonic, and all-out-bitch.
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Everybody Poops…Men Do It More

An Unfunny Original
Free BrownTrout

Since the U.S. publication of Everyone Poops in 1993,
it has become a widely known fact that indeed, everyone poops.
(For years I thought I was the only one.)

The fact that is NOT widely known is that men do it more.
A LOT more.
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What’s all this unfunniness?

An Unfunny Original
What’s all this unfunniness? has been up and running for three days now.
You know what that means?

It means that the four people reading it know me personally.
Mostly they read it under duress.
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This is me…and I’m not funny

An Unfunny Original
I Was Born This Way

All my life people have been telling me I’m not funny.

And when I say “people” I am referring to:

family, friends, acquaintances, enemies, total strangers,
and bellhops.
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